Away
by madeinfrance
Summary: Sometimes, the things you cherish the most fall apart. A three-part story.


"Come on honey, hurry up, we're already late."

"We're always late anyway, mommy." He actually said it with a very serious face, and Kensi couldn't help but chuckle.

"Touché. But that's not the point smarthead: go grab your bag and your surfing board."

"Oooookay."

Six year-old and already with the rolling eyes. God was she in trouble.

He did as he was told though, and, sure enough, twenty minutes and they were parking in front of the house...late. And, sure enough, the weight in her stomach was there, too. _Right on time._

One would think that after three months of coming here twice a week, she would be used to it; but apparently, that would be a little too easy. Painless as well, and really, where was the fun in that?

She'd feel the damn thing every single time she came, as if the permanent pain in her chest that oppressed her to the point where she sometimes thought it would eventually break her wasn't enough.

But she promised herself to deal with it: she was entirely responsable for this, and now she had to assume. If not for herself, she had to at least try for the little blond man sitting on the back of her car. _Suck it up, Blye. _

And so she did.

"Here", she said as she parked and got out of the car to open the truck and get his stuff.

"Mommy", he asked as she joined her, looking up at her with a concerned face as he took his board, "what are you going to do while I'm here?"

"Uh...I don't know honey, I'll see. Why?" she asked, running her hand through his hair as they approached the front door.

"I don't want you to be alone."

The innocence and the sincerity she saw on his face stroke her again. Kids this young weren't supposed to worry about their parents. Play with cars and dolls, eat up oreos, run around and in her boy's case, follow her around while rambling on and on about random stuff, sure; but certainly not that.

"Hey."

She knelt down in front of him, taking his face in her hands and faking a perfect smile at him.

"I'll be fine, okay? I told you before baby, you don't need to worry about me. That's my job. That, and, you know...torture you with tickles!"

Kensi illustrated her words with actions, making him laugh out loud like he always did whenever one of them attacked him like that.

"Now that's what I want to hear."

Her smile turned genuine as his got wider: she never failed to cheer him up when necessary, but he never failed to cheer her up either, most of the time not even realizing it.

"I told you not to do that, mommy!" he complained, jumping away from her reach, still laughing.

"Yes, but that's too much fun for me to give up on", she smirked. "Come on little one, someone's waiting for you."

Her heart raced as she waited for the door to open after the kid raced to bang on it, and even if she was used to that feeling as well, she couldn't help the panic that spread all over her.

He opened up a few seconds later, and didn't even have the time to look at them before a very excited thing threw himself into his arms.

"Hi daddy!"

"Wow, that's excitement", he chuckled, hugging his boy back. "Did you miss me or something?"

"Yes, a lot."

"That's it?"

"A lot, lot, loooooooooot!"

"Ah, now we're talking."

Father and son smiled at each other then, complicity evident as usual, and even though she knew it was silly because really, it was such a random, normal scene, the sight in front of her made her heart ache even more, if possible.

Oddly enough, it didn't get better when she met Deeks' eyes. How surprising.

"Hi Kens."

"Hi."

Of course, she broke eye contact as soon as she could. Of course, he would try to establish it again. Same game every week.

Luck had been with them so far – well, given the situation, anyway. They had separated just before their one month-long vacation, only leaving them to an awkward partnership for a couple of weeks before that. Ever since they came back, he was requested at LAPD. Big operation, long time away from the agency. If everything went according to plan though, he was due back at NCIS in two weeks.

And Kensi didn't know how she felt about that yet.

"You okay ?"

"I'm fine", she tried, a small smile weakly tugging on her face. "You?"

"Oh, fine. Better now that my buddy's here", he smiled at the little boy holding onto his neck who was beaming as if Christmas had arrived early.

"Great."

Deeks looked back at her, still smiling, and the urge to leave started to raise. Hard. Too much memories, too much regret. All kind of things she didn't want him to know about.

He was right there, amazing, her best friend, her partner, her pretty much, well, _everything_, as cheesy as it sounded. And yet, he was so far away from reach it was almost laughable. Pretty sad, too, actually.

"Well, I better be going, then."

"You don't want to come in for a minute? We'll play Trivial Pursuit for dummies or something. Try to improve your culture for a change."

"That doesn't even exist", she chuckled.

"Okay maybe not", he smirked in that very specific Deeks' way of his, apparently very proud of himself. "But I'm sure we could find something to do. Right monkey?"

"Yes mommy, stay! Then we can watch the new DVD daddy bought for me!"

"Oh yeah, you'll love it. Full of very skilled chipmunks ninjas and everything...amazing." he said, raising his thumb up, an enthusiastic (and not at all convincing) grin on his features.

He was making fun of her even now, and she secretly hated it because for some reason, it made her feel like he missed old times, too. Like he really wanted her there. It made her feel - Jesus, it stupidly made her _hope - _that maybe, he wanted her back.

And yet, Kensi didn't want that. She really didn't. Of course not. Not at all.

"I...Thanks, but I really should head back."

"But mommy..."

"I'm sorry sweetie, I need to go. We'll watch it another time, I promise."

She couldn't come up with a good excuse, which, for an experienced federal agent working undercover on a regular basis, was slightly concerning, but she knew it wouldn't have matter anyway: Deeks was perfectly able to see when she lied. So really, why even bother.

He didn't push her though, only lowering his head and nodding as his smile faltered a little.

"Ok, have fun baby. I love you, I'll see you on Sunday night."

Kensi leant in to give their son a kiss, lingered a little, knowing how much she was going to miss him, and whispered a soft 'Remember, don't worry' in his ear.

She put the surfing board on the door frame, and as she gave the back bag to Deeks, she swore she felt his fingers grabbed hers. Funny, really, how after seven years spent with someone, such a simple touch from them can still make you shiver.

She closed her eyes for a second, putting up an as normal face as possible. Kensi Blye was the type of person who stayed in control, after all. Always had been. So she stepped back, avoided eye contact once more and acted as if nothing had just happened.

"All right, I'm off now."

And with a quick smile, she was.


End file.
